Artwork: Minimal Line Art Woman with Flowers III Mini Art Print by Nadja

I read a medium article that broke down the conceptualization of self-compassion. And I realized that before reading the article, I had never even heard of the term! Along with that, I never practiced it either.

“Your inner critic is simply a part of you that needs more self-love”

– Amy Leigh Mercree

There were times in my life where I would d r a g myself to the pits of hell lol like I would actually speak so negatively to myself, about myself. So much so that one day I had to be like whose thoughts are these?? (because it literally was not “me”). That made me notice that I did this negative self-talk on a regular basis. Here and there – not always as intense but still not something you should be saying to yourself.

These thoughts were automatic.

These thoughts had no filter.

These thoughts were erratic and illogical yet they were still being said and I was listening to them (even if I didn’t fully believe it).

When I read about self-compassion, it really stuck with me because I realized I hadn’t been the nicest to myself and that it felt easier to be nice to others. I was able to see the best in people even when they made mistakes. I was able to forgive people for their failures. I was also able to negate their self-doubt and assure them that they shouldn’t be so hard on themselves… but where was I at when I needed my own back?

I realized that it was so easy for me to give out compassion to others but I was neglecting myself in the process.

A Look Inwards

Taking a look at self-compassion really shifted my world, in a good way lol. See everything starts with the self… so where in my life did I forget this and believe I can only project this energy outwards? I had to learn how to forgive myself for believing I wasn’t smart enough, strong enough, good enough… the list goes on.

Developing self-compassion didn’t come easy. It was a steady process that I still continue to work on today. I want to breakdown the process of how I came to bring the practice of self-compassion into my life.

Awareness

As a natural introspective, I tend to reflect often. I like to reflect on past conversations, habits, routines, thought processes, and just think about why I did things a certain way or why it happened. But a great thing about being reflective is that you begin to develop awareness.

Awareness to me is noticing when an automatic thought pops in my head and catching it in the moment. When you’re aware of it, you have the opportunity to either acknowledge it, cancel the thought out, and replace it with a new one.

Reprogramming my thoughts

With my awareness, I’m now equipped to reword a negative or unconstructive thought in my head. I don’t always catch my negative self-talk, but the times that I do I’m able to notice it (or take note of the behavior that precedes it) and follow up with more constructive and kind words.

Self-forgiveness

This one is k e y. Forgiving yourself can be hard to do. I’m personally way harder on myself than I should be, so when it comes to acknowledging a fault it’s a work in progress.

Learning to forgive yourself will empower you overtime. You’ll become less concerned with the validation or closure from others and begin to look inward. Every mistake or fault leads to a hidden lesson. Being able to apply that lesson in life moving forward is what will strengthen your confidence and self-esteem for the better.

Positive affirmations

Once I’ve acknowledged negative self-talk, I have to replace it with positive and constructive words. An easy way to do this is when you catch yourself about to speak negatively, stop, and replace it with kind words.

Instead of thinking, “I’m so horrible at playing basketball” you can change it into, “I am learning and getting better every time I practice.” Easy right?

Another way to instill positive affirmations would be to make a list of 5 to 10 statements that will empower you every time you read them. Ruminate on these and repeat them daily with feeling until eventually, these thoughts become automatic.

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In short, applying self-compassion in my life has improved my self-esteem, well-being, overall happiness – and then some. Remember that you deserve the same care and kindness you give to others. We show up for so many people in our lives, don’t forget to show up for yourself.

Listen to my podcast episode, “Movement, Meditation, and Self-Compassion” with Renelyn where we discuss the ways our bodies show up for ourselves to teach lessons in self-compassion, patience, and forgiveness.